late night thoughts from a restless heart

I can't sleep again, tonight I know why.

I am restless and my heart breaks for a little boy too young to understand that his world is collapsing.

For privacy sake I'm just going to call him "G". G is not even 2 years of age. I get to see him every week and be greeted with his adorable whole hearted, charming smile; dimples and all. G has been cared for for months by one of the most amazing foster families I've ever met, G belongs with them, he loves his foster family, they are stable, and nurturing, and they love him...they truly love him, and they have been going through the process to adopt him. He even looks like the family, you'd never know he wasn't their own flesh and blood. I've gotten to see G, move from one good foster home to the this one - and I knew in my heart he belonged with them, I can distinctly remember thinking to myself "this is, his true home, this is his family, this is where he belongs".

G sees his birth mother 1x a week since he was taken over 9 months ago. A teenage mother who can make time to have a boyfriend and do everything she wants to do, except get a job and take care of her amazing little boy. He doesn't even feel comfortable enough around her to seek comfort in her arms when he gets hurt and she's around....she's not his mommy. She simply his mother.

I get to watch and listen to G each week as he seeks the arms and affection of his foster mom, tenderly calling her "ma" because he doesn't yet finish any of the words he vocalizes - it's cute. I've never met anyone except those from the midwest (myself included) that ever called their mom, "ma".

I have watched G over the last 5 months grow from a scared, timid, unsure, silent, unable to walk baby boy - to a confident, bright eyed, affection seeking, laughing little toddler. He is precious, and his smile melts your heart.

And today, my heart breaks for G. He's being taken away from his foster to adopt family....

Simply because his case worker is too lazy to care about what's best for him. Ever since I met her 5 months ago, I knew she didn't care about him, or for that matter any of the kids she works with....she's a tired bitter woman that either was burnt out before she ever got into this job, or has been burned so much that she is now. And in my heart of hearts I say - get out. Get out if your heart isn't in it. You're in a job that requires that you care, that you give, and that your convenience and what you want isn't the most important thing.

She's just wants to close his case and get G's birth mother off of her caseload (I'm paraphrasing from a court hearing). They want to take G from his amazing foster to adopt family and place him with a Step Grandfather he's never even met....

These are the times that I am absolutely enraged by the system that was setup initially to help these kids, these innocent children...these babies. Instead its full of under payed, over worked, burnt out, hardened. Now I will say this: I know that not ever case worker is like this, there are some AMAZING women and men that work in the system who work tirelessly at a thankless job, and so I take this moment, to thank you for all you do. but this woman, this woman who is supposed to be advocating for G - I'd have some choice words for her if I ever met her.

So tonight, i pray for G. I pray for a miracle for a little boy who has finally been found by his family, a family that loves, and adores, and gives him boundaries and stability, and is at the end of this month going to have his world shattered and he won't even understand why. All he'll know is that the family that loved him is all of a sudden not there, and all he'll feel is that once again "someone must not have wanted me".....

G I'm sorry. I'm sorry that our system has failed you, that your birth mother failed you, and that we live in a broken world that has hurt you.

Tonight....my heart breaks for G and I cry tears of ache for this little boy, and I'm praying for a miracle. God...I'm asking for a miracle.....


-love the least