Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thrown under the Bus

I am actually not going to use this entire post to talk about how an individual in the same work circle threw me under the bus this past week, but she did, and to be honest, it did a number of things in the following order:

1) It totally blindsided me
2) It made me doubt myself, my abilities, my talents, my judgement, and my ethics
3) It infuriated me because it was an injustice against myself, simply for their personal agenda and gain, and it was done with malice and not rooted in truth
4) Made me realize I can do nothing but continue forward knowing that I had done nothing wrong, and that I needed to leave it in God's hands. Because (i know I should start a sentence with because, but because I don't regardless of the outcome, I know that if I stick to Truth and my morals and ethics....God will take care of me one way or another.

Will that mean I won't continue to try and be bulldozed by people, or that bad things won't happen...nope. However, I have an assurance that because I choose to conduct myself with a good work ethic and high moral standards in a way that God asks me too, I can sleep at night, knowing I did right; I did right by that kiddo I served, by me, by the agency I work for. So that is that.

It's amazing how one individual can shake your work isn't it? The can shake it up in a positive or negative way.

Who has shaken your world up?

What was the experience? Was it a positive or negative experience?

My world was recently shaken up for some time the past few months. I have been on pins and needles pending the results of the parole hearing for the man, Donald Mason, who murdered my Aunt Ruthie. I was only 4, but I have been deeply affected by this very self and demented man.

So I wrote a victim impact statement and sent it to the Parole Board, as did a few others in my family. Truly though I have been preparing myself since I was a teenager that upon his first parole hearing....he would be walking the streets again, with the freedom and ability to not only hurt my family but perhaps someone elses as well.

I had been waiting, waiting, and waiting to find out, even though I had come to terms with the worst outcome.....and so I waited and prayed, I cried, I prayed, I cried with family, I cried with friends as myself and my family relived the experience of her death all over again, and....I prayed.

Then, I receive a text from my oldest brother......"Rachel, he was denied parole for another 2 years!!!"

As I stood there in Wal-Mart in the toy aisle, surrounded by Dolls and race cars, my eyes welled up in tears, of all places I could be....but I couldn't help it. It seemed like a absolute surreal moment.

Here, now, in a place in time in which so many people with evil in their hearts are allowed over and over and over again to hurt society due to our failed reactive (rather than proactive) justice system, there I stood praising Jesus, crying, in WalMart.....God did a miracle, I know, because there is no reason our judicial system would really keep him there considering the massive amounts of individuals they release simply because they do not have funding or the room. He did a miracle, I know it.... I know. And for those in my family that actually made the effort to relive this experience and write their letters and experience this gut wrenching heartache....I know that God took our efforts and created a miracle and I am so grateful.

So two years from now I will be doing the same, praying for a miracle, and I know that God can do it.....

Donald Mason shook my world, he shook my family's world, but God is bigger than the evil inside of his heart....and tonight I will rest....

-love the least