Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My Grams

I'll just say right now, this post is neither poetic or well written. In fact it is sure to be neither, because I am tired, my heart is heavy, and my soul is hurting.

The past 2 months alone have made me want to pack my bags and move to New Zealand on a permanent vacation (why New Zealand? Heck if I know, but I hear it's incredible). But anyways this past few months I've had to pack up my life and move AGAIN (after only being in my house for 6 months), all while working 30 hours a week, taking 16 credits (class 3 days a week), and completing 2 clinical rotations for class. Then my pops had a heart attack; that scared the beJesus outta me, but he's doing well and for that I am SO grateful. Then my car was totaled after a girl ran into the back of me, leaving me on the hunt for a car for a month and having to "borrow" other people's cars to still work and go to school (thank you Elaina and Mike - I have gracious and giving friends), which a slew of back and neck problems have ensued because of said accident....awesomeness... Then, the worst.....my grams. My grams suffered a stroke this past Sunday, this to me is devastating.

My grams and I are close, not just grandma to granddaughter close, but the kind of close that most grandkids don't have with the grandparents. My grams and I have a special relationship, the kind where when I see her she says "there's my girl" or "how my girl". She has these particular ways of letting me know she cares and she's thinking about me.

Like from the time I can remember, my grams has always had gum for me, kind of our special little thing (that and gummy bears). But growing up every time I'd see her, I'd ask her for some gum, and EVERYtime, she'd have gum for me, even after I went off to college she would send me packs of gum while I was at school. Everytime she knew I was coming home to visit, she'd have gum, even when I moved to Colorado, if I was coming to Michigan to visit, or if she knew my parents were going to see me.....she'd have gum for me. I'm 28 years old, and to this day.....she still buys gum for me. Or She still tries to make me rice pudding when she can, cause she knows I love that too. Call me cheezy and sentimental, but it means something to me. It means something to me that she not only hopes that I'll call her, but that she makes the effort to call me. It means something to me that she prays for me everyday.

We still talk on the phone, we catch up. If ever I'm back in Michigan, even for the shortest trip.....I won't leave that state until I get to see her. She holds a very near and dear place in my heart, and right now, to not be sitting by her side while she is trying to recover from this.....is a very hard pill for me to swallow. To not be able to hug her when I tell her I love her. To not be able to encourage her while she's doing her therapy. To be a smiling face for her to see when her world seems dark and lonely. To not be there to care for her. It's tough. It's really tough, and I hate it.

It's gut wrenching to talk to her on the phone and hear her say in her muffled slurred speech that "I sure wish you were here Rachel....." it makes me weep.

She's not just my grandma, she's my grams. She's mygrams, and right now she's hurting, she's sick, and I want the best for her, whatever that may be.

I'm not really sure why I felt the need to post of this. Maybe it's just to tell you all about how amazing she is. About how I have countless memories of being at my grams and papa's house, spending countless hours with them, how they were like second parents to me. Maybe it's to express that it gives me great pride to know that her kind, generous, joyful, sarcastic, sassy, God-fearing, God-loving, gracious, tenderhearted, stubborn genes flow through my veins. It's part of her that has made me who I am, it's part of the heritage she created, and the family she gave back to the Lord that has molded me, shaped me, made me. It's her example that shaped my momma, who shaped me. She is a piece woven into the fabric of who I am, and for that I am grateful. I'm indebted to her example of being an Christ-like example, of how she showed me how to be a gracious servant, to serve and to serve lovingly.

I am grateful for not only an incredible immediate family but extended family that God has graciously placed me into. A family that sure does know how to have a great time, a family that uses sarcasm as love language (and I LOVE it), a family that has been rooted in the truth and love of Christ, a family that has a love that doesn't know distance or time.

So if you could, say a prayer for my Grams. That God would take care of her.

With her sister, my beloved Aunt Viola

Down on the farm in Illinois, not all were present, but this is a sign of some great heritage

Time to make the cookies

87 and was still bowlin'! Hot dang Betty's still had it!!

Christmas 2008 up at Bronners

CHECK OUT THAT SHINER!! ;o) This is what I love about her, she's so spunky and has such a good sense of humor that she'll pose and "put up her dukes" for me after she had taken a fall

My two wonderful grandma's. Miss you grandma Lake

With her 4 amazing daughters

I love you Grams. My Grams.