Monday, April 21, 2008


My heart has been going through this vast array of emotions lately....some I like, some I don't like, but in the end I love them all and must embrace them.

For those of you that may not know me too well, I'll fill you in on something about myself: I think WAY too much. I'm a thinker, a ponderer, a wonderer. My soul, my heart, my thoughts run deep. So deep that I tend to over think, over analyze, over emotionalize a lot. But it's me, I must embrace it, and at times learn to reign it in.

Lately I keep thinking about Africa, and how much I ache to go there and serve. My goal is to hopefully get a Doctorate of Physical Therapy, and then be able to go and serve in Africa for periods of time. How feasible this will be, I don't know, but my heart aches to do such things. When God made me, He created this spot, a nest in my heart for Africa; for its people, its children, it's poverty, it's sorrow, it's ache, it's beauty, it's joy.

Trying to go back to school is going to be really tough, so I hope and pray that it is attainable.

.......what has God made a space in your heart for, what has He nested in you that you ache for?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Praise to Anger

today, I was angry. And it's so sad because last night at K-Group I had an absolutely incredible time of worship and prayer with my friends. The devil is a sneaky tricky bastard. Last night was good, I think we really allowed God's presence to work not only within the walls of the house in which we sang and prayed, but also within the walls of our hearts. I can't speak for everyone there, but it was good, and God's presence is always there, but whether we humble our stubborn hearts to let him work is a completely other issue. I had a hard time at first allowing God's spirit to move in me, I was consumed by worries about life, work, and my livelihood, and then during our time of prayer, I felt so foolish for not remembering that God has taken care of me thus far, even when it feels as though he is not, He is.

But today I was angry. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was behind a very foolish and an a-hole of a driver, who, when I tried to get around him because he was driving so dangerously, he cut me off. Work is hard, and unmotivating when one (like me) is uncertain of their job security because they are uncertain of what their agency/company's future will be in less than 30 days. It's cold. It's cloudy. It's grey. Today feels grey. Last night was full of light, of hope, of promise and future. Today...tiredness and doubt.

So tonight I will relax, and at 11 p.m. I will go play in an indoor soccer game, and I will enjoy (and hopefully not roll my ankle this week). I'll be taping those bad boys up this week that's for sure, no more sprained ankles for me.

Here's to those, like me that have nights full of light, and days sometimes darkened with grey. Blessings to you....God is present, let Him work.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I like to sing. I like music. I like to play my guitar. I love to play my violin. Jesus is good. I am broken. God is mending me. The end.