I am 15 minutes away from finishing Day 5 of my Daniel's Fast experience, and let me tell youuuuuuu - it was a tough one!
I was awakened this morning by my lovely puppy Molly at (note it) 4:30 IN THE MORNING!!!
So Molly at this point is usually just like, take me out of here I want out I don't have to pee, just let me out. So it's Friday and I think to myself, ugh I'm not even going to bother waking up to go let her outside when she's going to stand out there 15 minutes and not pee.
so i brought her into my room and the moment I lay down I think to myself....I smell something....OH MY GOSH I'M GOING TO KILL HER! I smell Molly pee! So not only did she pee right next to my bed, she peed on the ONLY article of clothing on my floor!!! and she had so much in her tiny little bladder it could have filled a Nalgene I'm sure of it! Cause it took a lot of paper towel and cleaner to clean that crap up! So at this point I'm pissed, my dog has received a wack or two and I resolve myself (after she has whined for being put back in her crate) that's she's going to go have a visit outside and she's going to stay there until I get up to get ready in the morning and I'm not going to feel bad about it.
So needless to say, my endurance, grace, and patience had run plum out on this fine Friday. So my day didn't start off onto the best foot, I end up being late to my first appointment, felt like I had no idea what the hizzy I was doing working with kids in the first place, and....I'm friggin' starving!!!! I want EVERYTHING I am choosing (we had a talk in KGroup last night about not saying I "have" to do something, but rather we "choose" to do them), so on to what I was saying... I want to shove EVERY food I'm choosing not to eat for 21 days. Perhaps a big piece of chicken, and cheese, on a huge piece of white bread, a Dr. Pepper, and to top it off with a cookies and cream milkshake and a bag of sour gummy worms.
Good golly - I sound like a friggin' fatty!!! I mean Moses smell the Roses, calm down Rachel!
So it was a tough day. I tried to spend time praying, but in all honesty, I didn't do well today. I was in a crotchity modd, I thought more than once "I'm just going to go get a cheeseburger", and then I was reminded as to why I was doing this in the first place: I lack self-discipline and I'm seeking greater intimacy in my relationship with God.
So I didn't cheat, I can't say I was in a better mood, but I tried. I did some much necessary cleaning around my house, made some dinner, watched a movie, folded some laundry and called it a day.
Have I had any huge spiritual revelations or "shazam!" moments yet? Not really. But then again, I'm stubborn...really stubborn, which means I probably won't have a break through until day 20 of this 21 day fast.
So tonight before I fall asleep i will pray that God will soften my heart, that I won't be so stubborn, and that God will help me to wake up tomorrow and Live well.
That's what I want the most, for God to look at me and tell me "you lived well"
-Love the Least