Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I am Jacob....

I feel like my name should be Jacob, well, since I'm a girl maybe...Jacobina. I say this because I feel like a majority of the time, I am wrestling with God.

I wrestle to understand, to know, to get answers; because I am hurt, because I get frustrated, angry, confused, and most of the time: because I am just plain lost.

I even choose to wrestle God sometimes when I am joyful.

My wrestling comes from my stubbornness, and my lack of trust. I ache to believe that God is who He says He is....I just let myself, my hurts, my doubts get in the way of trusting that.

I have been extremely humbled by the overwhelming presence of Christ in my life. God is bringing me to my knees and clearly stating to me..."Rachel, I am God, and life is going to be hard, you WILL have trouble, but I have come and overcome the world, so trust me. Trust me when it's hard, when it seems impossible, and when nothing in the world seems right, because I promise you...all will be well."

Now when I state "all will be well", I by no means me, that life is going to fine, and dandy, and even when life is at its maximum suckiness that I think it will be peachy. I mean that despite the really crappy stuff in life that happens, I can trust in the fact that God is there, with me, in the crap, and He loves me, and is present, and life will happen, and I will run into trouble in this life because I love Christ and because we live in a broken world.....but Christ is with me, and therefore....all will be well.

So although I wrestle with God a lot...I am trying to choose to not wrestle with Him so much, and I'm going to try and choose to rest, rest in His faithfulness.

......I am Jacob, (well as stated before...Jacobina).

-Love the least

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