I've been having a lot of "is-this-really-my-life" moments lately. Not always in a bad way, not always in a good way.
Like when I'm standing in my bare feet in the grass and my 18-month old nephew (well my surrogate nephew) Joel comes up to me as I'm blowing bubbles and to get my attention he throws his arms in the air, and cries out in the most desperate plea as saying my name like Rocky screaming for Adrian: "NAH-NAAAAAAAH!!!" (yes, that's how he says Rachel, "nah-nah" - I LOVE IT!)
and I reply.... "Yes, Joely?"
and in THE sweetest, most tender, raspy little voice he can muster, he looks at me with a smile on his face, a glint in his eye, and joy in his heart, he utters ...."baaah-bulls....."
"Yeah, Joely, they're bubbles"
WHACK!!!! I've been walloped with a stick like apparatus that Joel now possess as his "this-gets-me-attention club"
.....he melts my heart
Yeah those are the great "is-this-really-my-life" moments
And then there are the other "is-this-really-my-life" moments; when time keeps ticking and life keeps moving, and the mundane, in and out, gotta-do-what-you-gotta-do days occur, and when 3 a.m. chimes and I'm still lying in bed awake wondering about the nature of life, the way the world works, the wounds we all receive, and the way we try to work around the abyss they create in our souls. I lie there praying, aching, and loving over those that I hold dear in my feeble heart.
I wonder, "will it always be like this", and then I have a moment of hope knowing "no, it won't". It won't always be like this. Someday I'll know fullness in every extent of the word. Fullness of life, of love, of joy, of peace, of patience, of kindness, of goodness......someday. And then I long for the "some-day" instead of living the "to-day".
And when I do that, when I long for the "some-day" instead of living in the "to-day", I can miss the "THIS-is-really-my-life" moments, when Judah (my other nephew), out of the blue says "Auntie Way-chel......I love you".....yeah, it really does melt my heart.
Those moments, when I remember not to get caught up in the enemy of my own thinking and the waywardness of my own complicated soul, they help me love deeper, wider, higher. They help me know, understand, taste the sweetness of God's love and presence in the right here....right now. And when I live in the right here and right now, I begin to get a glimpse, a feel, a touch, a taste of the fullness of "someday".
Tomorrow I will do some of the gotta-do-what-you-gotta-do stuff, but then I will celebrate with friends, have some great times with some other great friends, and then I will lay my head on my pillow....and rest.
So here's to living in the right here right now of "to-day", instead of the longing of "some-day". For if we live in the right here right now "today" the "someday" will be present, and life.....life will be, so, very, good.
These are some of the people and that help make my life great