Saturday, November 10, 2007

I know I don't blog much in the first place, but I have been able to even less lately because the internet at my apartment complex is down.

I recently started a new job this past week. Three words: LOVE IT! overwhelmed.

I have so much information to take in and process, that i am just exhuasted at night, however I am thinking so much about all I have to do and learn and start, and the caseload I will soon be taking on that I can't sleep at night.....ugh.

Soooo even in the midst of all that I am considering going back to school....for what? I dont' know yet, so I'm looking into graduate programs.

I feel like there are a million different options to consider:
Social Work
Speech Language Pathology
Physical Therapy
Occupational Therapy

I just don't know....seriously no clue. And the last 30 minutes of looking online, has not helped, in fact, I feel more overwhelmed than ever. Even considering the possiblity of juggling school and a full-time job....holy headache batman.

I stated recently to a friend that I am in this rebuilding phase with Christ. Over the past 3-4 months I have gone through some very relationship breaking time with God. Times of bitterness, anger, and even hatred. More often than not I feel as though I am floundering in my life. I feel like I am working and fighting so hard for EVERYTHING; for friendships, relationships, community, to find a job that I love, to even love myself. I just feel like I have to fight so dang hard.

And right now, with God....I'm ok. He and I are working on it, we are in a rebuilding process. and it's good, but still hard.

I was having a conversation with a few friends today over breakfast about how it's so hard to really study the Bible on your own. Which for me is very true. I feel like I don't even know where to begin when I open my Bible, and then when I finish reading whatever section I have randomly stumbled across, I feel like I"m fighting to get something out of it (again, fighting). I want the Bible to be alive, to be apart of my story, and for me to be apart of its story. I just dont' want to wait for Sunday morning to come for that to happen. If it could be a part of my everyday life, it would change my world

I grew up in a Christian home, I know all the answers I should know, and yet the Bible is still a very foreign thing to me, I dont' even know how to approach trying to study it on a day to day basis and actually absorb something from it. I want to....I just don't where to begin.

Ok, I have to go back to work.

until next time the least

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